Too long.

You know, I usually save this blog for Jesus-moments that I have experienced recently, His love, His kindness, and His mercy that He has laid out for me. This topic really isn't any kind of "spiritual" awakening, but the issue I'm about to address needs a whole lot of Jesus.

Since switching from a degree in chemistry to one in social work (yes, this is now my major and yes, I know their salary), I have learned a great deal in the classes that I need for my major. In one particular class, SW 400, entitled Human Diversity and Social Work Practice, I had to write many essays about human diversity, my own self-reflections, and just some really deep stuff, a lot of stuff that I tended not to think about on a daily basis before. It was extremely eye-opening, and I dealt with a lot of emotions that I had never had to deal with.

So, before this goes any further, I just want to say that this was an extremely impulsive post to write, but I think it must be done. I have heard far too many stories and witnessed far too many things to just stay quiet. It increasingly gets harder to keep these things in. Too many people I love (all people) are hurt. It's not a time to yell and fight and argue. I don't want to get smart or sassy, I just want someone to listen, to understand, to hear me out.

To start off, I am a young white woman. Argue if you'd like, but there is such a thing as white privilege. There are stereotypes, there are micro-aggressions, and these are all very hurtful things! If you don't believe me, I'll give you some examples:

1. I don't have to worry about people yelling things at me about "Trump," anything about immigration, or my heritage. You don't just hear people talking about "all those English people that came over and settled this country some 300 years ago."
2. I don't have to wonder if I'll be harassed by an officer every time I'm pulled over, I usually know I will be treated with respect. They won't ask me "if I speak English" or look at me like I'm some type of criminal. 
3. If I go shopping people won't keep a close eye on me and wait until I'm out of the store to take a deep breath. 

Okay, so you might say I myself have never experienced these things, so how would I even know they happen? Or, well aren't you exaggerating a little? So, I'll tell you how I know, people that I genuinely love and care about have experienced them, and I'm not exaggerating. I talk to them, and I try to understand how these things make them feel. I'm not "biased" towards minorities, I'm just not blind to how they are treated anymore. 

I never wanted to believe that people would intentionally hurt or look down on other people just because they are different, whether it is race, gender, sexuality, age, religion, any kind of disability, etc. But unfortunately, when it happens right outside my front door, I have to believe it. And once I believe it, I can't just let it keep happening like the never-ending cycle it has been for so long. I want to put forth my small little effort, so that I know my voice is heard. I'm not accusing anyone that reads this. I'm not personally angry at anyone. I just wanted to be listened to, to be understood, so that maybe my kids and grandkids won't have to live in a world that is so mean. Maybe we could all be more understanding, more loving, more compassionate---

I know the only solution to this is Jesus. He has opened my heart to break mine for what breaks His. There is still so much work to be done on my insides, but I do know this--- His love is the only good and perfect thing this world has to offer, and we all need to pass around a lot more of it, to everyone, no matter what they look like, act like, believe in, or talk like. 

Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. 

Join me in raising a voice to fight for every human being. 

I love you all dearly. 

Kristen

Beautiful Suffering

My family, I sincerely believe you all are God’s greatest blessings to me. Being surrounded by so many people that love me, it is hard to imagine that some people don’t have it. But it’s the truth. So many people do not have anyone to call family, but here I am, blessed with one of the best (okay, I may be a bit bias)…

Anyways, I write this post about my family and to my family just because this is something that has been on my heart lately (last night), and I feel like someone else needs to hear this. Listening to a sermon (today) by Levi Lusko titled “Through the Eyes of a Lion,” really got me thinking about how special my family is, and how special our story is. I have a beautiful family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. They are all awesome. However, many, if not all, of you know that we all lost someone very dear to us in April of 2009. For me a mom, for others a sister, a daughter, a wife, a friend, all of these things. Even though it’s been over seven years since her passing (wow), it doesn’t necessarily mean the struggle gets easier. It’s something I’ve always had trouble with, but I’ve always been really good at hiding.

Growing up, sometimes I feel like it’s gotten harder every year, and I always question why this is, because as I have gotten older, I have also grown in my relationship with Christ. In my mind I wonder, how come I still get so sad? Why do I still cry? If I know God is for me…why can I still have this pain? For any of you who have ever struggled or dealt with grief, you get this. But I think my questions and prayers were answered today in such a random, comforting, and beautiful way—exactly the way in which God works…

One thing that Levi says in his sermon is this, and I believe it’s something that everyone who has had a rough time needs to hear (or in this case, read):

“Where there has been impossible pain, God always gives incredible power. Why? Because crushing produces anointing…It is an incredible honor to be entrusted with pain because it says a lot about what God sees in you and a lot about what He wants to bring out of you.” (Lusko)

Now I don’t know exactly how this pertains to you, or if it hit you like it hit me when I heard it, but I replayed it over and over until I really let it sink in. How beautiful is this? How much different will I view my struggles now that I have this new perspective of pain? God SEES something in me, something that I do not even notice in myself. He has a PLAN for me, and it can be so overused that it loses its power, but seriously, would I want to forfeit all of the pain I go through if it meant ditching out on the plan GOD has in store for me? I really do not think so.

Even though I may not see or understand what good can come out of my mother’s death, I KNOW that something will. God has promised it [Romans 8:28]. If it is only for me to spread hope and light to one person, that would be worth it, because I know God has planned it. He is preparing me for something so much greater than anything I could ever imagine for myself, so I am willing to struggle. Because I have faith that God is in control. I know that if anyone can do something good with death, obviously it is He who defeated death. My prayer is that I, and all who are called, are obedient, but that’s a different topic.

So I bring this up hopefully to encourage any of you reading this, however you are suffering, God honestly loves you so much. I cannot stress enough how MUCH He loves us. He has a plan for us. He has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. Even in the midst of the trials of life, we cannot see the other side before we get there, but we forget that God can.

“…So, I pray that God gives you the grace to suffer well. For whatever [God] allows to come to you, He intends to put to good use...” (Lusko)

This is astounding. Incredible. Unbelievable. Too good to be true, but it is.

Fam -- I know it can be hard. But we were put together for a reason. I love you all so much.

~Kristen~

“God gives his most difficult assignments to his most trusted soldiers.” –Charles Spurgeon

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Levi Lusko's Sermon, "Through the Eyes of a Lion"--

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFoGxVhwnx0

Unwritten

7-20-1970

This is the day that my mom, Tracy Jo Futato Olson, was born.

A couple of days ago was her birthday. This post is in honor and in memory of her, and it is completely inspired by the legacy that she left…

I woke up on July 20^th, like any other day, besides the fact that Mama was just a little bit more on my mind. I had a smile on my face getting ready, she would have been 46.

I had to work that day, and when I walked into the kitchen after clocking in, the one song that Mama and I used to jam to in the old maroon Suburban on the XM radio was playing, and it made me smile:)

“Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find. Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it, release your inhibitions. Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in. No one else. No one else. Can speak the words on your lips. Treat yourself with words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open. Today is, where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten…”

No one did this better than her. Cancer or no cancer, Mama always stared at the blank page before her with an open mind and a joyful heart. Joy that only comes from having hope in the Lord. Mama always had the words to say, and she was always striving to become a better version of herself, whether it be a better mother (which was impossible), a better wife, a better sister, a better daughter, or a stronger Christian. She set goals. She met goals. She was strong, stronger than anyone I’ve met to this day. No one could face the obstacles that she did with so much grace, so much positivity. Nothing held her back. In my young eyes, she was invincible. Even to the last day, Mama was a fighter. Being in our family’s position, you had to take things one day at a time. She did. She took everyday with arms wide open. She lived everyday to the fullest, no matter the circumstance. Sure, there were bad days, but she always knew God was still writing her story for a purpose. She knew that everything was happening for a reason, so she was confident in her Creator.

Isn’t that beautiful. Our stories are still being written. Day by day we get up, and it seems like we’re just “going through the motions,” but we aren’t. Each day that we wake up is for a reason. There’s something to be done. Every day that we wake up, there is a purpose. There is a purpose for your life. No matter how you feel, whether you think you are worthless or ineffective, God has a different plan for you. He holds your value. He holds your future. All we need to do is surrender to Him and His will for your life. It can be scary giving up all control. It’s something we must do daily…give ourselves up daily, but it is worth it. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

I know for a fact looking back, that my mom’s life was not the easiest. I know some days it was a struggle to put on a smile or to call me on the phone and be filled with so much joy, but it was worth it. She knew it was worth it. She knew that God had greater plans for her life than she could ever imagine.

And same for us.

God has greater plans for us, if we just surrender and obey. He is the author of our stories. What is unwritten to us, is written by Him.