Beautiful Suffering

My family, I sincerely believe you all are God’s greatest blessings to me. Being surrounded by so many people that love me, it is hard to imagine that some people don’t have it. But it’s the truth. So many people do not have anyone to call family, but here I am, blessed with one of the best (okay, I may be a bit bias)…

Anyways, I write this post about my family and to my family just because this is something that has been on my heart lately (last night), and I feel like someone else needs to hear this. Listening to a sermon (today) by Levi Lusko titled “Through the Eyes of a Lion,” really got me thinking about how special my family is, and how special our story is. I have a beautiful family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. They are all awesome. However, many, if not all, of you know that we all lost someone very dear to us in April of 2009. For me a mom, for others a sister, a daughter, a wife, a friend, all of these things. Even though it’s been over seven years since her passing (wow), it doesn’t necessarily mean the struggle gets easier. It’s something I’ve always had trouble with, but I’ve always been really good at hiding.

Growing up, sometimes I feel like it’s gotten harder every year, and I always question why this is, because as I have gotten older, I have also grown in my relationship with Christ. In my mind I wonder, how come I still get so sad? Why do I still cry? If I know God is for me…why can I still have this pain? For any of you who have ever struggled or dealt with grief, you get this. But I think my questions and prayers were answered today in such a random, comforting, and beautiful way—exactly the way in which God works…

One thing that Levi says in his sermon is this, and I believe it’s something that everyone who has had a rough time needs to hear (or in this case, read):

“Where there has been impossible pain, God always gives incredible power. Why? Because crushing produces anointing…It is an incredible honor to be entrusted with pain because it says a lot about what God sees in you and a lot about what He wants to bring out of you.” (Lusko)

Now I don’t know exactly how this pertains to you, or if it hit you like it hit me when I heard it, but I replayed it over and over until I really let it sink in. How beautiful is this? How much different will I view my struggles now that I have this new perspective of pain? God SEES something in me, something that I do not even notice in myself. He has a PLAN for me, and it can be so overused that it loses its power, but seriously, would I want to forfeit all of the pain I go through if it meant ditching out on the plan GOD has in store for me? I really do not think so.

Even though I may not see or understand what good can come out of my mother’s death, I KNOW that something will. God has promised it [Romans 8:28]. If it is only for me to spread hope and light to one person, that would be worth it, because I know God has planned it. He is preparing me for something so much greater than anything I could ever imagine for myself, so I am willing to struggle. Because I have faith that God is in control. I know that if anyone can do something good with death, obviously it is He who defeated death. My prayer is that I, and all who are called, are obedient, but that’s a different topic.

So I bring this up hopefully to encourage any of you reading this, however you are suffering, God honestly loves you so much. I cannot stress enough how MUCH He loves us. He has a plan for us. He has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. Even in the midst of the trials of life, we cannot see the other side before we get there, but we forget that God can.

“…So, I pray that God gives you the grace to suffer well. For whatever [God] allows to come to you, He intends to put to good use...” (Lusko)

This is astounding. Incredible. Unbelievable. Too good to be true, but it is.

Fam -- I know it can be hard. But we were put together for a reason. I love you all so much.

~Kristen~

“God gives his most difficult assignments to his most trusted soldiers.” –Charles Spurgeon

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Levi Lusko's Sermon, "Through the Eyes of a Lion"--

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFoGxVhwnx0

Unwritten

7-20-1970

This is the day that my mom, Tracy Jo Futato Olson, was born.

A couple of days ago was her birthday. This post is in honor and in memory of her, and it is completely inspired by the legacy that she left…

I woke up on July 20^th, like any other day, besides the fact that Mama was just a little bit more on my mind. I had a smile on my face getting ready, she would have been 46.

I had to work that day, and when I walked into the kitchen after clocking in, the one song that Mama and I used to jam to in the old maroon Suburban on the XM radio was playing, and it made me smile:)

“Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find. Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it, release your inhibitions. Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in. No one else. No one else. Can speak the words on your lips. Treat yourself with words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open. Today is, where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten…”

No one did this better than her. Cancer or no cancer, Mama always stared at the blank page before her with an open mind and a joyful heart. Joy that only comes from having hope in the Lord. Mama always had the words to say, and she was always striving to become a better version of herself, whether it be a better mother (which was impossible), a better wife, a better sister, a better daughter, or a stronger Christian. She set goals. She met goals. She was strong, stronger than anyone I’ve met to this day. No one could face the obstacles that she did with so much grace, so much positivity. Nothing held her back. In my young eyes, she was invincible. Even to the last day, Mama was a fighter. Being in our family’s position, you had to take things one day at a time. She did. She took everyday with arms wide open. She lived everyday to the fullest, no matter the circumstance. Sure, there were bad days, but she always knew God was still writing her story for a purpose. She knew that everything was happening for a reason, so she was confident in her Creator.

Isn’t that beautiful. Our stories are still being written. Day by day we get up, and it seems like we’re just “going through the motions,” but we aren’t. Each day that we wake up is for a reason. There’s something to be done. Every day that we wake up, there is a purpose. There is a purpose for your life. No matter how you feel, whether you think you are worthless or ineffective, God has a different plan for you. He holds your value. He holds your future. All we need to do is surrender to Him and His will for your life. It can be scary giving up all control. It’s something we must do daily…give ourselves up daily, but it is worth it. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

I know for a fact looking back, that my mom’s life was not the easiest. I know some days it was a struggle to put on a smile or to call me on the phone and be filled with so much joy, but it was worth it. She knew it was worth it. She knew that God had greater plans for her life than she could ever imagine.

And same for us.

God has greater plans for us, if we just surrender and obey. He is the author of our stories. What is unwritten to us, is written by Him.